


Face to Face

by junko



Series: Scatter and Howl [42]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:52:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5408873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Kuchiki auntie on the other side of the sento's partition, Renji and Byakuya get busy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Face to Face

Renji climbed up on to his knees, to straddle Byakuya where he sat on the little stone seat that encircled the rim of the sento. Putting his hands on the tile behind Byakuya’s shoulders, Renji bent close to Byakuya’s face, trying to minimize the extent to which he… loomed. 

He watched Byakuya’s expression carefully. It was hard to read, as always, but Byakuya’s hands came up to slowly run down the length of Renji’s wet, steaming back encouragingly. After cupping the side of Renji’s waist, Byakuya’s hands slipped down below the water line. Palm traced the roundness of Renji’s ass--kneading, stretching, spreading.

The last bit made Renji sit up, back arching unconsciously. The corresponding splash almost covered the sound that escaped his lips. 

Almost.

Knowing that just on the other side of the wall a prudish old woman could hear their noises heightened Renji’s awareness of everything. How the steam smelled slightly of something metallic and clung to skin and hair, caressing him like a second pair of hands. How Byakuya’s lips had never felt so ticklish/hot against his skin. The sound of his tongue lapping at the beads of moisture on pecs, a tiny sound, really--seemed magnified a thousand-fold.

Anywhere his body was out of the water, Renji’s naked flesh was covered with tight goosebumps. His nipples were stiff peaks tortured by the brush of Byakuya’s cool, wet hair and the fact that Byakuya’s lips played elsewhere, along dark lines of tattoos. Thank gods the heat of the springs kept his cock too sluggish to do more than twitch or he’d--”Oh! Fuuuc--”

Renji had to clamp a hand over the groan that rumbled deeply through his body as one of Byakuya’s fingers found its way to Renji’s hole. 

He glared down at Byakuya as if to say ‘isn’t this a little far with HER right over there?’ but Byakuya’s head was bent, and all Renji could really see was the hint of face and the tip of that clever, pink tongue. Bowed, even a little bit, like this… a super-hot look on Byakuya. Add to that, he was actually making the tiniest urgent noises, in rhythm to the deepening strokes of his finger.

Despite the scalding heat of the hot springs, Renji’s balls tightened. His fingers were digging into his own cheeks with the effort to hold back his usual litany of begging and swearing. His other hand scrabbled at the tile and he kept accidently grabbing Byakuya’s shoulder and having to force himself to unclench his fingers and let go.

With each pulse of Byakuya’s finger--no, now two fingers--in and out, had Renji bucking his hips, thrusting down with the desperation of a rising, aching need for more, further, deeper, harder.

The splashing sounded like fucking.

Byakuya, meanwhile, had finished tracing the ink patterns and now licked at the hard pebble of nipple. Renji’s hand grasped a fist full of hair as Byakuya’s sudden, hard suck shot a deep stab of pleasure straight into his groin. It took a gasping effort to untangle his fingers. He was biting the inside of his cheek now; the tang of blood in his mouth.

The heat stymied them, though. Renji could feel Byakuya’s cock flickering against taint and balls, but never quite stiffening. 

Anyway, they couldn’t spoil the sento.

Aunt Masama must have left by now, right? Renji thought desperately. “Byakuya,” Renji pried his fingers from his mouth and risked a hoarse whisper. “I’m going to climb out, okay?”

Byakuya glanced up, his mouth leaving Renji’s nipple. A little trail of something wet followed, the sight of which nearly did Renji’s head in. His body wanted so desperately to respond in kind that he shuddered, unable to repress a growling moan. 

Which… made Byakuya’s lips lift in a smile. He nodded and with a jerk of his chin to one side, said, “Climb up over here. Turn and face me.”

_‘Face me’?_

Even as Renji hurried to comply, he flushed with amazement. Byakuya never--rarely?--asked to be face-to-face. It happened that they ended up that way from time to time, but Renji had always had the sense it wasn’t Byakuya’s preference. 

After getting himself up and out, Renji leaned back on his elbows and lifted and spread his legs for Byakuya to step between them. He looked gorgeous as he came up out of the hot springs. Water sluiced down in rivulets that hugged the contours of pale, hard muscles. His hair, even with its ragged prison cut, still managed to seem like ebony silk that clung to those sharp, regal features. Gray eyes were unusually up and open and the way Byakuya was looking at him with a mixture of adoration and desire made Renji’s whole body feel alive. The cold air and the intensity of Byakuya’s gaze made Renji shiver.

Awkwardly, freed of the oppressive heat, his cock jumped to immediate attention.

Renji wasn’t sure how Byakuya would react. Sometimes, Renji thought that maybe his dick was Byakuya least favorite part--that perhaps his lack of attention to it meant he was secretly sort of disgusted by it. He opened his mouth, thinking to apologize… maybe… when, without warning, Byakuya took hold of it. Wrapping his fingers around the thickness, he stroked lightly, fondling it.

The attention made Renji’s legs splash into the water and he sat up with a noise that might been a little more like a squeak than he normally would prefer. He tried to roll the sound into a more macho appreciative noise.

Byakuya smirked at him. While doing something to the tip with his thumb that had Renji struggling to not whimper. 

That smirk, though. It was a fucking sexy look because: so mischievous and knowing. Plus, Renji could see how all this was turning Byakuya on--from his flushing skin to the way his pink nipples darkened and his cock rose strong and hard. 

A sight Renji almost never got to see.

It was making Renji so hot. Especially when Byakuya’s other hand reached to tip Renji’s hips up and explore his backside again. Renji’s head fell back and he threw an arm over his face to hold back the stream of words that rumbled through the barely coherent part of his brain, ‘god oh god yes more fuck gods yes harder.’ 

“Let go, Renji. She left long ago.”

She left? Fuck, how long ago? Why the fuck were they waiting any longer?? “Oh gods,” he panted. “Lube. Get the fucking lube. I need you to fuck me so hard.”

Byakuya blinked, like somehow he’d forgotten they’d need it. “Oh. Oh yes, of course!” He thundered out of the water, splashing Renji’s aching, ready body. Instead of dousing the heat, Byakuya’s frantic search only turned Renji on more. It was so fucking adorable, the sound of careful Byakuya flinging things desperately from the basket.

Scooting further from the edge of the pool, Renji thought about grabbing them a pile of towels to lay on since the tiles were so cold and hard against his flushed skin, but the idea of trying to stand up when he was so achingly hard was beyond him. How Byakuya could run when he was like that, Renji would never know… 

His hands unconsciously touched himself, unable to stand the aching empty places Byakuya should be.

“Damn it! I don’t know how this happened,” Byakuya said from the changing room, his voice sounding sort of desperate, “For once, I didn’t pack any… oh! Thank fate!,” Byakuya came out clutching a bottle, “... I’ve found some massage oil someone’s left behind.”

Guiltily, Renji’s hands jumped away, feeling as if caught doing something he knew was forbidden, but, seeing Renji with his hands on--and in--himself, Byakuya’s flush deepened, his cock twitched, stiffening. 

“Go on,” he prompted. He threw the plastic bottle at Renji. It skittered along the floor, stopping a Renji’s elbow. “Make yourself ready for me.”

Oh? Oh, right… They hadn’t done the watching thing in so long, Renji had almost forgotten how much Byakuya liked it. 

Renji sat up and unscrewed the top of the massage oil. Automatically, he brought it his nose, which crinkled instantly. It was no wonder it’d been left behind. At least it was only overly flowery, not rancid. He poured some of the cloyingly sweet stuff out onto his hand. Glancing up at Byakuya, he rolled over on to his stomach. What he’d been doing before was fine for fast and dirty, but now he was putting on show. Plus, it was easier to reach this way. He could even still look at Byakuya if he twisted onto one shoulder. He grasped one butt cheek in his his hand and snaked the other around.

Byakuya’s usually cool gray eyes were hot as they watched him. Lips parted slightly, Renji could see the rise and fall of Byakuya’s chest as he grew more aroused.

Renji let loose a long, tortured moan and rocked into his slicked fingers, watching how Byakuya’s breath hitched and his cock pumped slightly and began to drip. 

Following Renji’s gaze, Byakuya said, “It seems I’m ready for you. Are you ready for me?”

“Oh gods, so much yes,” Renji said. 

Even as he knelt down and took hold of Renji’s hips, Byakuya clucked his tongue. “You’re turning me off, talking like that human boy.”

Ichigo? Renji almost asked aloud, but then remembered, ironically, that ‘strawberry’ was Byakuya’s safeword. He was just starting to bracing his arms when he realized Byakuya was still tugging at his hips, urging him to keep turning over, onto his back. Once he realized what Byakuya wanted, he went over so fast and so enthusiastically that he almost knocked Byakuya in the head. He made up for it by bear-hugging Byakuya’s upper waist with his thighs. 

Byakuya treated him to another one of those smolderingly sexy smirks and guided Renji’s leg even higher, as he positioned himself at the opening.

Renji’s hands reached up and cupped Byakuya’s face briefly, then, boldly, he let them trail down neck and shoulders, down the solid strength of biceps and forearms. He grasped wrists when Byakuya thrust forward, opening him, spreading him wide.

No matter how often they did this, Renji still felt that hot flush of stretching--not quite pain, but almost like a burn. He cried out a little but gave Byakuya a panting sort of smile to let him know that it was a good sensation, and then pressed back, forcing Byakuya deeper.

Because now the need to be fucked was tearing him up. He’d been waiting, wanting this for so long. Without thinking, he grabbed at Byakuya’s shoulder and his back pulling hard, trying to drag him closer, further inside. “Fuck me, come on!” he demanded. “Fuck me!” 

Byakuya’s gaze had gone cool and his body still. “Unhand me.”

“Oh fuck, right, goddamn it, sorry, fuck,” Renji’s hands flew off of Byakuya’s skin fast wishing he had something else to grasp. Clasping his own wrists, he slammed them down over his head and begged, “Hold me down.” His ass was aching for more, and he thrust up into Byakuya at the same time as he begged, “Damn it, hold my wrists.”

A brief look of confusion crossed Byakuya’s face, but Renji reached out and put Byakuya’s hand over his wrist, at the same time he curled a leg tighter over Byakuya’s shoulder, driving them together. The force of it made Byakuya grunt, but the sensation made him flush and his mouth open, hissing with pleasure. 

Byakuya got into it then, leaning down onto Renji’s wrist, kissing sloppily, as their bodies banged together, Renji fighting for a faster pace, as Byakuya intentionally slowed and drew out each powerful stroke. Something about their position made each thrust bang into Renji’s pleasure zone harder than they had ever done before. Renji’s cock wept. His balls, achingly tight, bounced in rhythm to their bodies’ pounding. 

Grateful for the hand holding him down, Renji lost himself. His legs curling and closing tightly around Byakuya, making their own demands, but nothing like his fingernails would do if allowed to scratch deep and long and hard.

Byakuya moaned, the hand that held Renji’s thigh digging in bruisingly, like he was wild, out of control, but… not his demon, like a man--a man lost to passion. He quickened the pace, pushing so deep, Renji stopped being able to concentrate on their kiss. Each thrust was like a jolt to his erogenous zone. All he could do was groan and moan and growl.

Like an animal.

No, like a demon.

He was going to come blazingly any second so Renji gasped out, “Not.. animal… Demon… Say it, Byakuya. Say… I’m your demon.”

“Oh, you _are_ ,” Byakuya growled, “You’re my demon.”

Some fevered part of Renji’s brain wanted to ask, ‘wait, like, riding crop demon?’ but the pace Byakuya was setting was too much for any more words. In fact, it was too late for anything more than surrender to shuddering shakes, the sobbing moans, and the hot rush of cum. Renji struggled to stay focused on Byakuya’s face as the passion spilled from him because he didn’t want to miss it--the moment Byakuya lost mastery of his control, the moment his passion and desire showed on his face. 

It wasn’t long before Renji was rewarded. Sweat flushed him. Byakuya looked disheveled, wild… and so aroused. And, then, for a moment, at the peak of his passion when Renji felt Byakuya’s heat fill him deep inside, Byakuya’s mask fell away and he was vulnerable, open… so fucking _gorgeous_.

And he called Renji’s name. 

“Renji! Oh gods, Renji!”

At the sound of his name, cried out with such desire, echoing in the bathhouse, Renji shuddered out a second wave of an orgasm. He felt like he was riding high, soaring. Oh, gods, so good… so fucking amazingly good. It felt like forever before he could catch his breath. 

With a bow of his head, Byakuya finally released his wrists from an iron grip and flopped over to lie beside Renji on the tiles.

“Wow,” Byakuya said.

“Wow?” Renji repeated, rolling his head to make sure it was really Byakuya lying beside him. “Can the twenty-eighth Kuchiki clan head even say ‘wow’?”

“He can if the sex is that good.”

Renji chuckled. He stared up at the ceiling and nodded, “Yeah. That was amazing.”

“You told me to hold you down.” Byakuya sounded amazed.

“You let me see you.”

They both shared a long look, then Byakuya let out a long sigh. “I want to sleep here, but it’s cold.”

Renji grunted, folding his hands on his stomach. “I can sleep anywhere.”

Byakuya made a fond tisk of his tongue. “You’re such a beast.”

“Demon,” Renji corrected.

“Demon,” Byakuya agreed. “My demon. Ah, if only you truly had the strength and stamina of one, you could carry me to be--” Renji didn’t let Byakuya finish. He deftly rolled over and scooped Byakuya up in his arms. 

With a grunt, he hauled himself to his feet. “You were saying?”

Byakuya looked momentarily distressed, he shifted like he wanted to be put down, “But our clothes, the basket…”

“Ain’t that what you have servants for?”

Byakuya bit his lip, an adorable look. Renji could see that Byakuya wanted to agree, but shook his head. “I can’t leave the phoenix robe. It belonged to the first Kuchiki.”

Renji immediately walked them towards the changing room. Byakuya never worried about material things. Never. This robe must be a fucking national treasure. “And you wear it to bed? It was fucking hanging in your closet?” 

Making a little face, Byakuya put an arm around Renji’s neck, but deftly reached out with the other to snag the robe from its peg as they passed by. “It was designed as sleepwear and it has hung in the same place since the estate was first occupied. I put it on because it is my right, and because I knew it would irritate the piss out of aunt Masama.”

Renji glanced at the scattered toiletries, hoping they didn’t need anything else. If he put Byakuya down, he wasn’t going to have the strength to pick him up again. His muscles felt like wet noodles. But, this was just tiredness from awesome sex. He’d been in far worse shape and still managed to stand back up to fight. He knew he could shunpo back to the estate and make it to the room before collapsing. “Are we good?”

“Yes, good. Go, my demon lover. Fly us away on your leathery wings.”

Renji gave Byakuya a little teasing, if toothy snarl, “Tiger paws. I’ll bound us away on… uh…. tiger… erm, limbs?”

“Yes, see, it’s not as poetic,” Byakuya groused. “I was going for poetry.”

“You should leave the poetry to me,” Renji smiled, shouldering the back door open to the sharp, snowy wind. In his arms Byakuya shivered, and Renji stepped into shunpo, taking them as fast as he dared all the way to the master suite.

#

Renji’s big romantic gesture was ruined by Byakuya’s insistence that he needed to take care of the family heirloom, so, instead of dropping Byakuya in the bed, Renji let him go at the threshold. As Byakuya fussed, Renji warmed his snow-covered toes by the fire, and, eventually, wandered back into the bedroom.

The bedroom smelled of freshly laundered sheets, reminding Renji how this night had begun. As he snuggled into his side of the bed, he couldn’t remember a time they’d been that… busy. Three separate times in one night? Must be a new record for them.

Of course, it wasn’t every day Byakuya was sent to prison for a week.

Byakuya came out of the dressing room wearing something that looked just as expensive as the phoenix robe. Made of shimmering black silk, the bottom half was decorated in salamanders, whose fire rose up in yellow and orange flame patterns. Renji couldn’t resist remarking, “This is less expensive?”

“Expensive?” Byakuya glanced down at his yukata, curious. “I’ve no idea. It has no historical significance, however.”

“Oh, right,” Renji said, as if that made any sense to him. Rolling over, he fluffed up his pillow.

“I ordered us food,” Byakuya said, as Renji reached to turn down the lantern. 

Pulling his hand away, Renji sat back up. “Fantastic. I like this new you.”

Byakuya smiled. Pulling a book from his end table, he opened it up. “I thought you might be amenable.”

Renji nodded. He leaned his head back against the headboard, with the plan to take a quick catnap before the food arrived, but out of the corner of his eye he noticed the pictures in Byakuya’s book. On the page, two very pretty boys were kissing. He leaned in closer to get a better look. “You and your porn,” he teased. “Is that a new one? You sending poor Eishirō on trips to the Human World to feed your yaoi addiction?”

“Not hardly,” Byakuya chuckled. “These were an apology gift from Ten.”

“The yokai in the Maggots’ Nest?”

“Yes,” Byakuya said. “He seems to run some kind of brisk trade in books on the inside. I’ve no idea where he gets them.”

Renji took the book from Byakuya’s hand and turned it over. “Label says ‘Lashinban.’” He handed it back, “There’s a barcode. So I’m thinking the Human World. Your little spiv gets around.”

After shooting Renji a terse look, Byakuya found his place in the story again. “I’d surmised that much. My question was meant as more rhetorical, in that I’m not sure how he gets all the way to the Human World without the use of a senkaimon, or if he has a contact in the Seireitei who goes there for him.” 

Renji nodded. He didn’t know how prison politics worked, but he understood yakuza. He’d be surprised if Byakuya’s yokai friend didn’t have a huge network of people who owed favors, bartered, and all that. “Is the story sexy?”

“Not so far,” Byakuya admitted with a sigh. “Though my appreciation of it may be somewhat marred by my inability to fathom the motivations of the contemporary Japanese high schooler.”

Letting out a scoffing chuckle, Renji leaned back. “I did a stint in high school and I don’t have a clue what motivates high schoolers.” Then he thought back to Chad and that annoying hanger-on, what was his name? Keigo? “Do high schoolers get laid a lot?”

“This one does,” Byakuya said, setting the book in his lap. “He’s being courted by a much older man, a salaryman, I believe they’re called, who has very… particular taste.”

Renji’s eyes went wide in understanding. “Oh! It’s a bondage book!”

Byakuya gave Renji a sour look, but a little blush colored his high cheekbones. “Do you think I’m reading this drivel for the quality of the writing?”

With a laugh, Renji teased, “I dunno why you’re bothering reading all the words, Taicho. If it were me, I’d skim right to the smut.”

“Have you even finished those books I bought you?” Byakuya asked with a sharply raised eyebrow. “What was it even? ‘Bara’?”

“I looked at the sexy parts,” Renji stuck out his tongue. “Anyways, it’s not like the stuff I picked out is big on characterization. It kind of gets right to the point, if you know what I mean. Guys hook up and get banging. The end.”

Byakuya shook his head fondly and returned his attention to his manga. “Apparently, I’m the romantic between us.”

There was a thought. A slightly terrifying thought. Renji started to scoff and say ‘that explains everything,’ but there was no point in starting a fight. 

Besides, it was true. Byakuya had a lot more experience courting and wooing and all those sorts of typically romantic things. Renji hadn’t even gone on a date--not a proper one with restaurants and such anyway--before Byakuya. Not that there hadn’t been plenty of sex in Renji’s life, just not a lot of romance.

Renji _wanted_ to be romantic. He’d even tried to plan a big romantic thing for Byakuya’s birthday. Instead, he’d ended up naked and hanging from the ceiling. “I wonder if Hisagi ever got that dancehall thing together,” he mused aloud. “I’d still like to take you dancing.”

“Mmm?” Byakuya glanced up from his book. “What about Lieutenant Hisagi?”

“It was going to be a surprise, for your birthday. I got Hisagi to go in on this place, we were going to turn it into a club--a place to dance that wasn’t the Human World. I had this vision of you and me…” Renji trailed off, because it had been a selfish fantasy. In his mind, however, it was still awesome: a private dance before everyone came in, the lights, Byakuya in his arms, the music, kind of being public, but still maintaining some distance for Byakuya.

But, it would have never worked out, not like it played in Renji’s head. 

Dancing together, in the Seireitei? It’d never happen. Sure, Byakuya had danced with Renji, in public, for his birthday, but that was the Human World. Byakuya wasn’t the twenty-eighth clan head in the Human World. Well, he still was, but it was different somehow. 

And, it would have been a such a bloody disaster to go in for the slow dance with Matsumoto and Hisagi and everyone waiting in the wings, and have Byakuya suddenly get all, ‘Unhand me!’

Byakuya was looking at him, so Renji shrugged and flashed him a sly smile, “The bondage thing was better, anyway. You still thinking about a foursome?”

“Are you? Shall I contact Captain Ōtoribashi?” Byakuya looked excited at the prospect. His eyes went all wide, like a little kid with a present, and his cheeks flushed. But, almost immediately his expression dimmed. “I supposed it would be in poor taste while I’m in confinement for fraternization.”

Renji made a face and chuckled darkly. “Like that stopped us when I in the clink. And at least these really are your quarters.”

There was a polite knock and a very sleepy looking Aio brought in a heavily laden tray. She looked so wobbly on her feet that Renji almost got up to help her, until he remembered he was naked. “You okay, Aio?” he asked her. “You look ready to drop.”

Byakuya gave him a sharp look. Aio froze and flushed beet red. She set down the tray and then collapsed to the floor at their bedside in a deep bow. She started a long string of apologies, “I’m so sorry, sirs, I… it’s… the hour… I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

Doing a little mental calculation Renji realized it must be somewhere near three in the morning, if not later. All this food and service they’d been having! The kitchen staff must be exhausted. “Jeez, no need for all that, we’re the ones who should be--”

“Renji.” Byakuya cut him off sharply, his voice heavy with warning. Renji sat back sharply, as if he’d been slapped. Firmly, Byakuya said, “Thank you, Aio. You’re dismissed.”

Heat rose on Renji’s cheeks. He clamped his mouth shut so hard he could feel his jaw muscles jumping. 

As Aio stood up, she accidentally caught Renji’s eye, but he looked away, embarrassed and angry all at once. After she scurried out and the door hissed shut, Byakuya opened the basket and said, “It’s her job. We don’t apologize for it.”

“ _You_ might not.” In the absence of being able to get up out of bed without upsetting the food tray, Renji gestured wildly at the door, “But, she’s my peer.”

“Aio is not your peer, Renji Abarai--”

“You’re right,” Renji snapped. “She’s probably from a higher district than me. Hell, she was probably born inside the Seireitei.”

Byakuya, who had been keeping his gaze downcast, suddenly lifted his head and pinned Renji in his gaze. Renji felt himself wanting to shrink back a little, but he held his ground and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“You’re a lieutenant in the Gotei,” Byakuya said, his tone hard. “Didn’t you just tell my aunt that you didn’t like being pushed down because you’d crawled up and away from all that?”

“I fucking told you that, too.”

“Then act like it.”

“By being a rude dick? No thanks.” Renji snarled. “I was just trying to tell the girl that it sucked we kept her up so long she was dead on her feet. I showing a little sympathy, a little human decency. What the hell’s so wrong with that, anyway?”

Byakuya’s lips went thin and his eyes slid away. Renji could almost feel Byakuya’s reiatsu as he pulled it inward, mustering control of his emotions. “You saw how much your words embarassed her. She’s mortified that you commented on her poor performance. You called out her failure. How is that not being a ‘rude dick’?”

Ah, fuck. Renji rubbed his face in frustration, because he got the point. It made sense. He could see it--kind of. Still, the truth was, he had no idea how to operate like this. He pushed the back of his head back against the wall, not quite a slam, but a hard knock. “What the fuck, Byakuya. You just ignore her struggling? That’s the right thing?”

Byakuya’s reply was as instant as it was cold. “Yes.”

Closing his eyes, Renji banged his head against the wall once more and then let out a long sigh. “I’m never going to get this right. It’s not in my nature.”

“You think it’s in mine?” Byakuya’s voice was softer now, though still clipped. Renji opened his eyes and glanced at Byakuya, who stared blankly at a bowl of steaming rice. The tray looked like it was meant for breakfast: grilled fish, miso, pickles. “I learned it. It took years, and I made terrible mistakes. But it’s best this way. For everyone.”

Moving to sit opposite Byakuya on the bed, Renji silently fumed. ‘Terrible mistakes,’ what the hell? It seemed to Renji that was the most insane thing he’d ever heard. How does a person fuck up royally just by not ignoring the plight of people around them? More to the point, this never had to happen. If Renji had realized the hour, he’d have offered to fetch something from the kitchen himself. They didn’t have to inconvenience the staff, wake up everybody, drag them from bed, just because the master was feeling peckish.

Byakuya poured the tea. “You’re still angry.”

Renji divided up the fish. Even though it was a bit of a lie, he shook his head. He didn’t want to get into this with Byakuya, because it only underscored the distance between them. 

Byakuya let out a sigh as he put rice on Renji’s plate. “Do you think I can’t tell how you’re feeling? Not only is it all over your face, but you won’t even look at me. You’re glaring at the pickles like you wish them an untimely death.”

“That’s my thinking face,” Renji reminded him.

“Indeed,” Byakuya said, a little smile evident in his tone. “Very well, what are you thinking?”

Renji glanced up. Byakuya was cutting into the fish a little more normally, though he’d given himself a very large portion. Byakuya seemed over the whole incident with Aio. It was hard to tell with the constant blankness, but a certain tightness was gone from the edges of his expression. Of course it was conversation over for him: for him, this was just how things were. A thing Renji needed to learn to do, to accept.

It wasn’t like Renji didn’t accept rank. Or station, or status, or social position.

Or place.

But, something niggled at him in all this. Something about Byakuya’s blind sense of entitlement? Or was it more simple than that--more complicated? “‘Terrible mistakes,’ huh? You talking about that stable boy again? Is this part of your demon?”

Quite deliberately, Byakuya took two large mouthfuls of rice. After chewing and swallowing, he said, “I’m tired, Renji. I’d like to eat and go to sleep.”

Of course Byakuya didn’t want to talk about this. Renji snagged a few of the pickles, and decided to forge on without him, “I always kind of thought the trauma with the stable boy was that you were mortified to have your kink exposed, but it was more than that, wasn’t it? So what was it?” Renji chewed the pickle, trying to consider other clues from what Byakuya had said, “‘Better for everyone.’ That’s what you said, ‘better for everyone this way’--so not just you, but him, too? Didn’t you tell me once you went looking for him? What did you find out when you found him?”

Byakuya set down his chopsticks. “That he hated me. That he suffered through our liaisons in the hopes of blackmailing me. That he had tipped off Eishirō’s wife. That she was in on it, hoping for a cut of the money, but random chance caused more people to be involved and for everything to spiral out of their control. Are you surprised? No? Yet, I was. I suppose I shouldn’t have been, but I didn’t think, did I? I was blinded by love and desire and… foolishness.”

So, not only had Byakuya’s family made him feel horrible for his kink, but the one guy he thought was just as into it was only using him. Shit. “And it all started because you were nice to the guy--a guy who was your servant?”

Byakuya made a little grunt of disgust. “It’s not that simple, Renji. Yes, that’s one example, as I said, a most terrible mistake, but it never works out to try to play friends with your servants. They’re not friends. They’re employees.”

“Right,” Renji said, filling up Byakuya’s tea bowl before refreshing his own. “Your life is officially sad. You need more friends.”

Renji’s tone had been sufficiently flippant enough that Byakuya’s response was to roll his eyes. “You make it sound easy. I suppose close, meaningful friendships were a dime a dozen among the street urchins of Inuzuri.”

Renji chuckled, “Why do you think they called us dogs? We always ran in packs.”

Byakuya took a long draught of his tea and rested his back against the headboard. “I was alone. An only child with no peers. No one of my age was allowed to play with me, even though I was surrounded by the children of my servants and the servants themselves. So much of it passed as affection, as well--a kiss for a minor injury, tucking into bed at night…. attention--but it was paid for, as it were, wasn’t it? Available for my every whim, yet utterly restricted and false.” He took another sip of tea and let out a breath. “Though I didn’t always understand the difference. Sometimes I still don’t. I would still like to imagine Eishirō cared for me then, cares for me now--and yet I can never know.”

Renji tried to imagine what that would’ve been like. He’d had people he’d trusted disappoint him, be false in their affections, lie, but part of growing up had been about figuring out which people were more likely to be honest. 

Even in that twisted pit of a place, where desperation brought out the worst in so many, he’d found a few. He’d found Rukia. Rukia, a shining beacon in his darkness. True, lifelong friendship. Someone to depend on. Someone whose affection he never doubted.

And here was poor little Byakuya with no one to spontaneously call for a game of onigokko. If he wanted a game, he had to order people to play with him.

And he probably did.

Because, who wouldn’t when you were small and you had servants who jumped to do whatever you asked of them? 

No wonder it never occurred to Byakuya that maybe it was inconvenient to ask someone to fetch snacks all night long. He’d been doing it his whole life, and it was… some weird kind of surrogate for love and attention.

Because, he never did find a peer to love him. Byakuya kept picking people from lower social classes, people he could still control through rank, lovers he could, because he was the lord or the captain… order to strip in the office. Take what he needed, without affection, so he wouldn’t have wonder if feelings were reciprocated and he could automatically shield himself from the potential hurt.

No wonder Byakuya was so pissed off when Renji confessed his love. That had fucked-up the dynamic he’d had going on. Made everything unsafe.

Yeah, Byakuya had one seriously gnarly fucked-up demon, all right.

“Well,” Renji said, with a yawn and a stretching pop of his shoulder muscles, “Even though I always need the money, you couldn’t pay me enough to _pretend_ to be in love with you.” Carefully stretching over the food tray, Renji kissed Byakuya’s lips lightly. Then he pulled back enough to try to catch his eye. He had to tap Byakuya’s nose to get him to look up. “You’re too fucking high maintenance for me to fake it. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that, for all your faults, I’m stupid enough to love you anyway.”

“You’re not stupid, Renji.”

“Yeah, I am, I’m stupid in love.”

Byakuya smiled faintly, then his eyes dropped back to stare at his tea. “Is that meant to cheer me?”

“Totally,” Renji smiled. 

“Only being loveable by someone who is an idiot is not exactly a ringing endorsement,” Byakuya said, though that little smirk twitched on his lips again.

Renji sat back down. “Well, thing is, lover, I can’t say I don’t work for you, that you don’t pay me to be around. And I don’t know how else to tell you I’d be here, anyway. Except that you should know I been after you a long time.”

“As a rival,” Byakuya said though he was smiling around the rim of his tea bowl.

“I been in the Eleventh more than half my Gotei career. Wanting to kill someone is the same as love.”

Byakuya swallowed his tea and a laugh. “True enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Josey (cestus) for typo-ing this, especially given how busy life has been for her. (You're the best!)


End file.
